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  The Updates for 2010  
     
 
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  January  
   
 
Freya von Moltke
 
     
 

Freya von Moltke was one of the last survivors of the Gestapo purge after the failed attempt to assassinate Hitler in 1944. With her husband Helmuth she was involved in the anti-Nazi Kreisau Circle. The Kreisau Circle was named for the town where the castle inherited by her husband was. Meetings were held there to discuss the situation in Germany. Freya, her husband and like-minded friends took part in conferences where they planned for the day in the post national socialist era when Hitler was no more and Germany could be set to rights again. I gather they weren't terribly quiet about these meetings, because she was the only one attending who survived the war. The others were executed for treason. Her husband's 1700 letters to her tell the whole dissident tale.

We were in Berlin this fall and among the museums we visited was one that honors the memory of the men and women who resisted Nazi rule. It's housed in Otto Wendt's Workshop for the Blind. Otto Wendt, blind himself, hired blind and deaf Jews to make brushes and brooms. He protected them in whatever way he could. There were bribes, and there were hiding places and there were parcels sent to concentration camps. When his secretary was deported to Auschwitz, Otto Wendt made a sales call to the camp with his brushes so he could leave her a message to tell her where to find food and medicine.

For twenty years after the war, there were no honors in Germany for people who took great risk in helping victims of persecution, because the post-war German government didn't think it was possible under the Nazi regime.

It was possible.

We have the letters to Freya and the hiding place in Otto Wendt's workshop to prove it.

Freya von Moltke was 98 when she died in Vermont on the first of January. Charlene, a bit to the north and west, is proud to be associated with such an important figure in history. She gets 2 for the hit and 5 for the solo. Total: 7.

— Amelia

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
John Shelton Wilder
 
     
  John Shelton Wilder wanted to be governor of Tennessee. In fact, he wanted it "so bad, I could die."

Unfortunately, Marcelle Wilder, his wife, refused to live in the governor's mansion because she would have to host "wine parties," so Wilder was forced to settle for being Speaker of Tennessee's State Senate and first in line of succession to the governor, i.e., Lieutenant Governor. That must have been good enough, because Mr. Wilder served in that position from 1971 until January 9, 2007. This made him the longest-serving lieutenant governor in the history of the United States and possibly the longest-serving freely elected legislative leader in the world.

"Huh?" you say. "Some yokel from Tennessee rates that honor?" Well, yes, he does. Wilder was a master of nonpartisan politics: If you supported his policies, then you were on his team. He might have parceled out the majority of committee chairs to Democratic loyalists, but he made sure the rest went to Republicans, even if they were the minority party. When senate Democrats tired of his presence as Speaker and tried to replace him in 1987, the Republican Caucus repaid Wilder's bipartisanship by nominating him for the position.

Wilder believed in compromise andmoderation, and had an innate sense of fair play that reached beyond politics. He defied his neighbors and Tennessee's agribusiness interests in the '60s when he encouraged the black tenants on his farms to register to vote. When neighbors drove sharecroppers who had registered from their rented land, Wilder allowed them to camp on his.

Gov. Wilder, as he liked to be called, considered himself a Democrat in the Jeffersonian tradition, speaking against government debt and for fiscal responsibility. He fought against loan sharks and the liquor lobby with its price-fixing. He arranged for Lamar Alexander, a Republican, to be sworn in as governor three days early in an attempt to prevent outgoing Democratic Governor Ray Blanton from granting last-minute clemency to state prisoners for pay. Wilder called the move "impeachment ... Tennessee style."

His uniquely long run was threatened in 2004, when Republicans won a one-seat majority in the Senate, but Wilder's allies on both sides of the aisle voted for him, and Wilder was sworn in for his eighteenth term as Speaker and Lt. Governor. Wilder rewarded his Republican supporters by keeping the Democratic leadership and majorities in two committees, including the important Finance Committee, while giving the Republicans the other seven senate committees. Republicans, who figured having the majority meant control of the state's purse strings, remembered this lapse in Wilder's vaunted nonpartisanship.

When he came up for re-election as Speaker again in 2007, Republicans shunned Wilder to elect one of their own. Gov. Wilder, who was eighty-five at the time, and who had said he wouldn't last long if out of office, suffered critical injuries in a fall at his home three months later. (Being a tough old bird, he drove himself to a local gas station for help.) Wilder then returned to his Senate seat only to be sidelined by pneumonia the following year, at which point he announced his retirement.

Wilder was an avid bicyclist and flew a twin-engine Comanche, using it to commute between his home in Somerville, Fayette County and the capitol in Nashville. He was a veteran of WWII and often spoke of himself in the third person. Wilder was known for his aphorisms, "The Senate is the Senate. The Senate is good" being the most famous. Unfortunately, he also fought ethics reform, and he too often looked the other way when the dishonesty of his colleagues proved the Senate was not always good.

John Shelton Wilder was born June 3, 1921. He died at the Baptist Home in Memphis, TN on January 1, 2010 from complications of a stroke suffered a few days earlier. Marcelle, who enjoyed sixty-three wine-free years with her husband, died in 2004.

— Wendy

Morris the Cat and Wendy share first place. They each get 5 points for the hit and 3 for the duet. Total: 8. Great start to the year.

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Art Clokey
 
     
 

If there was anything lamer than Gumby during the 1960s ... it was Davey and Goliath, and both were created in clay animation by Art Clokey. The best thing about both Gumby (who made his lame-ass debut on Howdy Flippin' Doody) and Davey and Goliath ... were the parodies they both spawned: Eddie Murphy on SNL and Adult Swim's Moral Orel. "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God" ... my ass.

Still, I like knowing that Gumby had those big, wide legs ... because being made of clay made Gumby top-heavy, and that's the only way Clokey could make him stand up. That kind of information is what made writing this update worthwhile.

So Exuma has this guy as a solo, which makes me now wonder about Exuma. Anyway, Gumby's dad was 88, so he gets five for the hit and another five for the solo. Total: 10. And for the moment, the lead.

— Bill Schenley

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Miep Gies
 
     
 

I heard her speak maybe 15 years ago at Westchester Community College. She was simple and riveting. I wasn't a hero, she said; you would have done the same. She had spent the years since the war speaking to young German students about her experiences. She took three questions from the audience. I was already calculating how I could see her again and get other people to see her too, so I asked her where else she'd be appearing on this trip. This was it, she said. She was flying back to Europe the next day.

Westchester Community College! A Sunday afternoon in the winter.

— Marilyn Johnson

Brigid, Buford, Chipmunk Roasting, Eternity Tours and Jenstrikesagain went to Holland and came back with this low-scoring but lovely hit of a 100-year-old anti-hero. They each get, yup, one point. But look on the bright side. She got the real reward. A very long life.

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Jyoti Basu
 
     
 

Among the pleasures of writing these little obits is that I learn something. In the case of Jyoti Basu, I learned everything. I had never heard of him, didn't know there were ever communists in power in India, didn't know he was nearly the first communist prime minister of India, didn't know he was sick, didn't even know he died until I was told by the guy who had him on his list. Ok, so now I know that he was the Chief Minister of Kolkata, formerly Calcutta (didn't know that, either), for more than 23 years, which I gather is a long time in those politically volatile climes. I learned that he got his leftist leanings from studying law in England and attending meetings of the Communist Party of Great Britain (with all the Jewish communists!). I learned that he was a hero to the working and rural peasant class and that, at last count, there are 15 separate communist parties in India, from slightly lefty to lunatic lefty. I learned that he was kind of a mess as a politician but was adored by millions. Wait, this is India. Maybe gazillions.

I didn't know a damned thing, but I knew this: Look for the Economist obit. It's all there, and then some.

The obit is marvelous. The comments are just as good.

I'm sure DDT didn't do any more research than look at a who's-dying website. Jyoti Basu was 95, so DDT gets 2 points for the hit and 5 for the solo. Total: 7.

— Amelia

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Kate McGarrigle
 
     
 

"Brainy, well-read, full of obscure information, forever theorizing in politics, mythology, science, mathematics, literature, history, human relations. Ambitious, determined, opinionated. Impetuous, adventuresome. Lovely, lively, sweet, quick-witted, charming, beautiful. A delight and a challenge to her family and friends. Outrageous at times, but anything was more fun when Kate was along."— Dane Lanken, the husband of Kate's sister Anna

Nick Cave, an admirer of Kate McGarrigle, once described her piano-playing as "schoolteacher piano." That is to say, quick and to the point, nothing too fancy. Kate McGarrigle, who died last week at 63, was one-half of the McGarrigle Sisters, the Canadian folk duo who wrote and recorded such songs as "Heart Like a Wheel" and "Talk to Me of Mendocino." Their songs were covered by artists like Elvis Costello, Mary Black, Emmylou Harris, Linda Ronstadt, Nana Mouskouri, Maria Muldaur, Lowell George, the Corrs, Billy Bragg, Bill Monroe and Kristy McColl. A testament to the beauty of their music? Bob Dylan owned every one of their albums plus Dane Lanken's book about the two sisters.

DDT and Garrett knew that it was time to "Kiss and Say Goodbye" to Kate McGarrigle. They get eleven points for the hit and 3 bonus points. Total: 14.

— Bill Schenley

Talk to me of Mendocino.
Closing my eyes I hear the sea.
Must I wait?
Must I follow?
Won't you say "Come with me?"

— Kate McGarrigle

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Jenn Lyon
 
     
 

I'm sympathetic toward this woman. Really. I am. Well, maybe not completely sympathetic ... but mostly. Jenn Lyon, who had been on the CBS television show Survivor: Palau, was only 37 when she died from breast cancer.

"In the summer of 2004, when I felt something in my right breast that didn't feel normal, I thought it was probably scar tissue related to my breast implants. It was right along the ridge of the implant, so I let it go, and I let it go for a long time." — Jenn Lyon

See, this is what I think happened: She had breast enhancement surgery, then she interviewed for the Survivor gig, and then she found the lump. Then she rolled the dice. If she immediately acts on the lump in her breast, she won't get to act on the television show.

"What the hell," she probably said to herself, "it's only six months. What could go wrong?"

The Survivor season started in February of 2005. In May of that year, just prior to the season ending, Jenn Lyon found several more lumps. In August she was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer and was scheduled for a modified radical bilateral mastectomy. Dr. Kristi M. Pado, who performed the surgery on Lyon, states: "The younger you are when you are diagnosed with cancer, the more aggressive that cancer tends to be," and "the longer life you have ahead of you, the more likely it is that a cancer can come back." Jenn Lyon was 33 years old when she rolled the dice, with the rest of her life on the table.

When Jenn Lyon was asked why she delayed seeing a doctor, she said, "I didn't have insurance."

Ms. Lyon did, however, have the money for breast enhancement surgery.

I don't want to call her a dumbass. After all, she's dead. And far be it from be to besmirch those who have moved on ... but she was a dumbass.

You find a lump, you go to the doctor. Don't turn it into a crap shoot.

EdV and Roxanne Wiggs, a brand new player this year, both get 20 points for the hit and three each for a bonus. This also puts the two of them in position for extra bonus points at the end of the year for possibly picking the youngest hit of the year. Total: 23.

— Bill Schenley

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Paul Quarrington
 
     
 

Paul Quarrington was a novelist, playwright, screenwriter, musician and filmmaker.

I know a lot about Canadian fiction, partly because my sister lived in Ottawa for many years. Going to the bookstore in Ottawa was big entertainment. (Sawry, Ottawa.) Also, I've shot commercials in Vancouver for four years now, and although the entertainment in Vancouver is a little better (go BC Lions!) I still find myself in more new and used bookstores than the average Canadian. And while I've never read any Paul Quarrington (he was a rock 'n' roll writer and there's only room for one rock 'n' roll writer in my life and that's Nick Hornby) he did win the Matt Cohen prize for a distinguished lifetime contribution to Canadian literature, and Matt Cohen was my favorite Canadian writer. I have all his books. Amazing writer.

They were both 56 when they died.

They both smoked like idiots and died of lung cancer. I would give anything to be reading a new Matt Cohen book every year. But he's been dead since the '90s. And if you're a Paul Quarrington fan, you're going to feel the same way. And you can add music, plays, TV shows and movie scripts to that longing.

The moral of the story is this: If you're going to win Lifetime Achievement Awards, do try to make the lifetime last.

As far as I can tell, only one Canadian got the hit. Chipmunk Roasting is joined by Chaptal, DDT, EdV, Philip and new player CIB, who all knew Quarrington's lifetime would only achieve two score and 16. Each gets 14 points.

— Amelia

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Ali Hassan Abd al-Majid
 
     
 

Ali Hassan al-Majid, better known as Chemical Ali and, later, the King of Spades, was Saddam Hussein's first cousin and served as his Defense Minister, Interior Minister, and Chief of the Intelligence Service. He was one of the great monsters of the 20th century and, as we know, he had a lot of competition. During the Persian Gulf War, he was governor of occupied Kuwait, and as part of Saddam's inner circle, he rose to prominence due to his penchant for ruthlessness and violence. After an unsuccessful assassination attempt on Saddam in 1983, he executed scores of men in Dujail, deported thousands more and razed the town. He earned his nickname by using chemical weapons on rebellious Kurds killing around 120,000 people, 5000 in one day in Halabja. His response: "Who will say anything? The international community? Fuck them." He was captured by "the international community" in 2003 and he was tried and convicted of genocide and crimes against humanity. Much legal wrangling delayed his execution, but he was later convicted in a trial that had been eagerly awaited by Iraqi Kurds in January, 2010 and after the US authorities handed him over to the Iraqis, he was hanged on January 25, 2010. He's interred next to his cousin.

I can remember the obituaries that ran for Chemical Ali in 2003 after he had temporarily successfully faked his own death. Andrew McKie, on the Daily Telegraph blog in 2007, remembered more:

"If, after Sunday's verdict, you are looking forward to the obituary of General Ali Hassan al-Majid (better known as Chemical Ali) you needn't wait. We ran his obituary on April 8, 2003, as did every other British paper except The Times.

"They needn't congratulate themselves, though. The paper did run a long piece on their foreign pages by Andrew Cockburn saying that he was dead, so it was just that they were slow off the mark, rather than they had some superior insight that Saddam's most unpleasant henchman had not been killed in a bombing raid — as the Iraqi police, and the British and American military authorities had declared on April 7 — but was still on the run, and would be captured in August of that year.

"Some people get upset when we produce obituaries of murderous brutes like this, but when they have a major influence on national or political events, I think we ought to. So Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein and Idi Amin all received obits.

I don't think that notoriety is a good reason, though. We would never have heard of Myra Hindley or Jeffrey Dahmer had it not been for their crimes, so we didn't do obituaries of them. I'm inclined to think one lot of Chemical Ali is enough."

— Deceased Hose, Amelia, & Andrew McKie

Another Lurker, Buford, Deceased Hose, Direcorbie, EdV, Erik, Monarc and Philip killed Chemical Ali a second time for the points. Eleven of them.

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
Zelda Rubinstein
 
     
 

So this dumbass posts to alt.obituaries how the imminent demise of Tangina is just a hoax and that he's responsible ... this knobflap also asks just how many posters were "dumb enough to fall for it?" Sounded too much like the idiots who swear it's their brother/sister/mother/BFF or the fucking kid down the street that we are currently punning on, to be real. Mark me down as one who was "dumb enough." Like I wrote back then: "Still, she's a grossly overweight, wheelchair-bound, 77-year-old woman who is also a fucking midg ... uh ... little person ... seems like a good deadpool pick to me ... "

Zelda Rubinstein, who was three inches taller than Tom Cruise, and who appeared in 21 movies and 16 television shows I had never heard of, was one sick dwarf, or midget, or hypochondroplasiac, or little person, or achondroplasiac or Munchkin ... or a thantophoric dysplasiac ... or whatever the fuck they are this week, and was as sick as some of us had hoped she was.

Bill Schenley, Denise, DGH, Eternity Tours, Monarc, Morris the Cat, O'Wilners, Philip, Ray Arthur, Constant Irritant, EdV, Mo, Undertaker and brand new player Worm Farmer were all "dumb enough to fall for it." We all get eight points for the midget. Total: 8.

— Bill Schenley

 
     
 
Skull Line
 
     
   
 
J.D. Salinger
 
     
 

"Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddamn cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody." — J.D. Salinger

I feel like sending flowers to J.D. Salinger, possibly the most overrated author of the 20th century. Salinger, who died a few weeks ago after almost a quarter of a century of teetering on one deadpool list or another, wrote "The Catcher in the Rye" somewhere in the neighborhood of 110 years ago. A tale of the pathetic whinings of an obnoxious teenager who needs an ass-whuppin' much more than he needs to know where the ducks in Central Park go every winter.

"The Catcher in the Rye" is a bildungsroman — that is to say, a novel about a young man's education, development and maturing. Kind of like William Goldman's "The Temple of Gold," but not nearly as moving. I mean, Ray Trevitt was a lot more interesting than Holden Caulfield ... and not nearly as, dare I say, phony.

Scoring this week in the AO Deadpool by finding Forrester are Another Lurker, Busgal, Dead People Server, Moldy Oldies and Roxanne Wiggs (who, incidentally, was seen wearing a red deer stalker hat) for hastening the long-awaited end to the reclusive J.D. Salinger. They each get two points for the hit. Shoulda been worth more. Total: 2.

— Bill Schenley

Coming Through the Rye

Coming thro' the rye, poor body,
Coming thro' the rye,
She draiglet a' her petticoatie
Coming thro' the rye.
O, Jenny's a' wat, poor body;
Jenny's seldom dry;
She draiglet a' her petticoatie
Coming thro' the rye.
Gin a body meet a body
Coming thro' the rye,
Gin a body kiss a body — Need a body cry?
Gin a body meet a body
Coming thro' the glen,
Gin a body kiss a body — Need the warld ken?

— Robert Burns

 
     
     
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