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  The Archives for 2007  

It's time once again to hand out the medals for the AO Deadpool. The good news is that the writers' strike doesn't affect this awards show. The bad news is that the writers are me and a retired financial advisor from Pennsylvania. Before we get to the fun, I'd just like to say that even though the last year and a half were not the best for me, the 2007 AO Deadpool gave me great pleasure. Organizing it, obsessing over it, writing the updates, seeing the website become a beautiful thing ... these were the highlights of my year, pathetic as it sounds. Well, the non-baseball highlights. Ok, enough of that.

So, in 2007 we got publicity in Last year, we also got our very own website, thanks to the hard work of Buford (aka Jim Daggy). And in keeping with the times, both alt.obituaries and the deadpool are now on YouTube. Ed Varner, who had a great year in the pool, decided to celebrate and surprise us with a video wrap-up of 2007 that's absolutely wonderful, down to the very last shot. See it here.

  Skull lLine  
  The Awards for 2007  
  The MOXIE Award  
Moxie Bottle

THE MOXIE AWARD goes to Acctorp, who had fifteen hits, three fewer than last year, for a total of 231 points, including the 25 point bonus for having the youngest hit. Once again, he well outdistanced Newt's Hoots who led for most of the year and finished with 14 hits and 184 points. It appeared that Acctorp would fall to second place this year, but it was not to be. His late find of a handful of hits, one of whom was under 30, led to a valiant end-of-the-year sprint for the gold. Well done, Acctorp. We're sending you an extra-special gift to go with the Moxie.

The SILVER goes to Newt's Hoots for another excellent job of picking corpses, and the BRONZE goes to Ed Varner, who did it without any wrestlers. Well done, boys.

The ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD goes to Constant Irritant, who scored 66 points on eight hits in her first year. And what a grating name.

THE COMPANY OF STRANGERS AWARD. Neither of us can remember what this award was about but Erik has won it for the last two years, so we think it's fitting he win it again. As long as he continues to be strange, he will win the Company of Strangers Award.

THE RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES AWARD goes to the girls, Denise and Sis, for predicting that a methadone cocktail would lead poor Anna Nicole right into a 38DD-26-38 bodybag.

And it was Kathypig1 and Lurker 3791 who won the BOBBSEY TWINS AWARD in 2007. Kathypig1 had a total of three hits and Lurker did a little better with five hits, but they matched up with Art Buchwald, Lady Bird Johnson and Big Lucy.

THE ONE-HIT WONDER AWARD goes to both Johnnyb and Excard who, conveniently enough, each had one hit. When Excard submitted his list for this year, he called himself the "truly humbled last-place finisher." To which I said, not so fast, Excard ....

If any evidence is needed that the world is an unjust place, you would find it on ???Guest's 2007 deadpool list. In 2007, she kept alive some of the worst pieces of shit who ever lived. She proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that you shouldn't only have bad people on your list. I'm tempted to tell you who they are, but I can't. She's playing them again. Hope springs eternal. So to you, dear ???Guest, we present THE DIM REAPER AWARD. You are the only AO Deadpool player ever to stumble through an entire year without one hit. I hope you're proud.

And who would have guessed that Acctorp would once again win the I WALK ALONE AWARD, by out-stepping his closest rival with his eight solos. As I wrote last year, if we are to have any chance of beating Acctorp in the future, someone is going to have to take him for a stroll in the forest and WALK ALONE on their way out. Does this need to be spelled out?

THE PAINFULLY OBVIOUS SOLO AWARD goes to the Dead Batteries team for sending their Armies of the Night to collect the very naked, and the very dead, Norman Mailer, whose besotted kidneys finally said, Enough!

This year, Scubama, Mark and DGH collect the very prestigious PHILIP AWARD by each scoring nine hits without one solo. For some reason, I can never remember who this award is named for ...

The RIDICULOUSLY OBVIOUS DEATH AWARD was won by 22 deadpoolers. As tears flowed and makeup ran, Acctorp, Bill Schenley, Buford, Charlene, Chipmunk Roasting, Corby, Denise, DGH, DrunkAsASkunk, Ed Varner, Erik, The Fireball, Garrett, Jazz Vulture, Kathi, Kentucky Wizard, King Daevid, Laurie Mann, Newt's Hoots, Raven, Ray Arthur and Scubama pushed Tammy Faye Bakker Messner's jewel-encrusted gurney down the final, dark hallway.

THE PUBLIC SERVICE AWARD this year goes to the very courageous Charlene. So many people wanted Jerry Falwell dead, but only our neighbor to the north had enough of the Right Stuff to cross swords with Jerry's imaginary friend and win.

THE SPECIAL THANKS AWARD goes to both JD and Mister Selina for their help with both the rules and the scoring. The other member of the Rules Committee doesn't participate in the deadpool ... so, well, fuck him ... no award for you, Mr. del Fuego.

Little things we loved about the year: Solos like Chaptal's Elizabeth Murray, Moldy Oldies' Robert Goulet and Kentucky Wizard's Ingmar Bergman. Louisiana Lou's trio of deCarlo, deForest and deYeltsin. Busgal always letting me know the exact moment one of her hits moved on the AP. Deepstblu and Yersinia Pestis for having just plain wonderful names. Wendy figuring out how to finish in the middle of the pack. Dannyb finding true love. And the fact that three women finished in the top 10. GO HILLARY.

Bill has offered me the MVP AWARD (Most Valuable Pooler). But I must decline, with head lowered in shame. I took steroids in 2007. A lot of them.

Thanks for playing our game! On to 2008!

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