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  The Archives for 2006  

As far as alt dot obituaries is concerned, it was a great year. We posted, read and commented on so many wonderful obituaries. We got our first book, The Dead Beat, written about us. OK, one chapter. Let's give it up for Marilyn Johnson, who put us on the map. We have more obituary writers and editors reading us than ever before. And we've got this deadpool, which is growing in popularity and giving so many people pleasure, me most of all. This year, writing responsibilities for the wrap-up fell to Bill Schenley, who's done a great job of fudging — I mean, compiling all the statistics, and doling out the awards. As I said last year, however, everyone's a winner on the AO Deadpool. So without further ado ... and keep reading to the very end. You'll be rewarded with some more of Bill's hard work. He really deserves a lot of credit for all the work he's done for the AO Deadpool.

— Amelia

  Skull lLine  
  The Awards for 2006  
  The MOXIE Award  
Moxie Bottle

The MOXIE AWARD goes to Acctorp, who had eighteen hits for a total of 273 points, well out-distancing Newt's Hoots, who had seventeen hits for 186 points. More than half of Acctorp's hits were solos (10). He has set the modern-day standard for excellence in AO Deadpool play. For the rest of us to compete on his level, we must live and breathe death. On the other hand, should he actually drink the Moxie, we may not have to worry about him next year.

The ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD would have to go to both Acctorp and Newt's Hoots. Those two together posted amazing stats: 35 hits, 17 solo hits. What are they doing playing with the rest of us? For Moxie? The mind boggles.

The COMPANY OF STRANGERS AWARD once again goes to Erik because, well, because he's Erik, and he's strange. Erik came in 5th, with ten hits and seventy-nine points. For the second year in a row.

The BOBBSEY TWINS AWARD has been won by Erik and James Neibaur because, like last year, they hit three times as a duet. There is something strange about that, although I certainly don't want to seem judgmental about them. Maybe they really were both born that way. We should move on.

There is no ONE-HIT WONDER AWARD this year. Brigid was the closest with only two hits. However, she managed to score twenty-seven points with those two corpses and placed ahead of GS who, despite scoring with that classy solo of Fayard Nicholas, had six hits but only twenty-six points.

The DIM REAPER AWARD was a hard-fought battle between The Fireball, Scubama and Denise. The Fireball and Denise were both able to fill five body bags, while Scubama could stuff only three, but The Fireball and Scubama both scored more points, so Denise, who only scored sixteen points, wins the award. Pumped your fist a little too soon, huh, Denise? And you can bet Shelley Winters is sporting a smirk between those cute, pudgy, decaying and not-so-rosy cheeks of hers.

By virtue of his ten solos, Acctorp also wins the I WALK ALONE AWARD. If we are to have any chance of beating Acctorp in the future, someone is going to have to take him for a stroll in the forest, and WALK ALONE on their way out.

Another (remember we already gave one for James Brown to Jazz Vulture) PAINFULLY OBVIOUS SOLO AWARD goes to The Fireball for picking Milton Friedman. Uncle Milty was old, sick and dying, but only The Fireball had the gumption to hop in his truck, drive to the cemetery, pick up the shovel and actually start digging the hole.

Philip: There needs to be an award for the player having the highest score with no solos.
Bill Schenley: You know, you're right ... So I'm going to honor your request.
MGW: So what are you going to call HIS award?
Bill Schenley: The Philip Award?
MGW: OK, I'll bite. Why is it called the Philip Award?
R H Draney: Because the way to get it is to Philip your list with a bunch of obvious candidates?
Bill Schenley: I know, I know ... That's just ... "rediculous" ...
Philip: I wish I hadn't asked now.
And, for scoring the most hits without a solo, the PHILIP AWARD goes to both Lurker 3791 and King Daevid, who each had seven hits and no solos. Apparently, when these two deadpool players bag a body ... they don't care who watches. There was some other guy who had more points but fewer solos ... but I can't remember his name.

The RIDICULOUSLY OBVIOUS DEATH AWARD was won by nineteen deadpoolers. Lou Rawls was just too easy to pass up. As he was wheeled out of the hospital in November of 2005, he stopped to speak with the press for just a moment; and as the words: "I've never felt better" and "I'm going to beat this" came out of his mouth, Louisiana Lou, Charlene, Lurker 3791, Acctorp, Scubama, Yersinia Pestis, Bill Schenley, Laurie Mann, Newt's Hoots, James Neibaur, Erik, Mark, Ray Arthur, Corby, Ed Varner, Jazz Vulture, King Daevid, Philip and Raven trampled one another in an effort to revise their 2006 lists. Still, we all prayed for Lou — prayed he'd make it until 12:01 AM on January 1st.

The PUBLIC SERVICE AWARD is gratefully handed out to ???Guest, who went after the bad guys and got three of them. Thanks for the effort, ???G, and I'm sure we're all hoping you do even better in the 2007 AO Deadpool.

And finally, the DON'T FUCK WITH ME, I WANT AN AWARD AWARD goes to my ace-duce, Amelia, for unselfishly giving her valuable time towards the maintenance of this deadpool.

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