If you accidentally swallow poison this week and find yourself short
on ipecac, just google "Abdullah obituary." I'm talking King Abdullah
of Saudi Arabia, of course, the latest of the seemingly never-ending
line of decrepit old assmunches to die at the helm of that benighted
land. His obituaries laud him as "shrewd" (The New York Times
(The Washington Post
), a "reformer" (The Globe
and Mail), and even a "liberal" (The Telegraph, and fuck you very
much); in reality, Abdullah was reactionary, ignorant, incompetent, and
more over his head than Captain Smith of the RMS Titanic.
Oh, he was a champion at crafting the image of a strong king, a
shepherd of his people, and a solid U.S. ally. His actions, on the other
hand—sentencing a blogger to be whipped for the crime of telling the
truth, keeping women subjugated and poor, doing nothing substantial to
give underemployed young men any sense of hope for the future (and then
professing shock when they became radicalized)—said otherwise. He was
just another punitive, self-satisfied time-server who confused what was
best for him with what was best for the country.
Worst of all, he
chose to leave his country in the hands of his half-brother Salman, the
last eligible and most conservative member of that always-fun group,
the Sudairi Seven. The Kingdom hotly denies that Salman suffers from
Alzheimer's disease. Me, I think a king who thinks it's 1955 because
he's unwell is a damn sight better than a king who thinks it's 1955
because he's a narrow-minded reactionary jackhole.
what I just wrote would get me ten years in prison and a hundred lashes
had I been born a Saudi subject—but then again, as a woman born in the
'60s, I likely wouldn't have been taught how to read and write.)
Good riddance to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, who died on January 23.
His birthdate was a state secret, but he was apparently in his early
90s, which is good enough for two points in the AO Deadpool for Allen
Kirshner, Another Lurker, Charlene, and Go the Distance.
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